2018 has been a wild journey of self-discovery. When people tell you that college will be the time when you learn about who you are, they aren't lying. This year alone has been the most transformative year of my life.

I had contemplated on whether or not I was going to write a "lessons I learned" post on the blog because I haven't been as active on here as I would like to be. I'm glad that I ultimately decided to stick to this tradition. It's always nice to reflect on everything that has happened to me this year and how it has transformed me. On this blog, I have watched myself grow, and I want to take my readers on this journey with me too.

So without further ado, here are the lessons I learned in 2018:

1. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
For the longest time, I thought I had a perfect family. But sometimes, there are challenges that arise. And when those problems arise, they test even the strongest relationships to see if they are worthy to be coined as perfect. This year showed me that my family can have moments of imperfection. However, we were strong enough to pull through an extremely difficult challenge this year and come out as a whole family again. Our strength in love helped us face adversity headstrong. I realize now that no family is perfect. But the beset kind of family is the one that sticks together even when times get tough.

2. Don't be afraid to say yes.
I coined 2018 as my "yes" year. I used to limit myself from so many opportunities because I would tell myself that I wouldn't be able to do it or that I wasn't enough. Knowing that I am my own biggest critic, I decided to toss that part of me aside and say "yes." Because I said "yes," I opened a whole new world for myself. Here's a couple of really cool things that I did this year because I chose to say "yes":

• I went to Jamaica on a FOCUS mission trip to serve underprivileged and disabled youth


• I volunteered at the Correctional Institute for Men where I tutored inmates so that they would be prepared to take their GED exam


• I joined an Intermural Volleyball Team (Boneless Rotation) that made it to playoffs


• I sang in front of a large crowd for the first time in my entire life


• I got my first professional job at first year housing, creating academic and community programs for students at UCI 

3. Watch things live.
I have recently found a love for concerts. For the longest time, I was a skeptic about going to concerts because I couldn't justify the expensive price for the experience. Now, I can confidently tell you that going to concerts is worth every penny. This year alone, I have gone to five! I have seen Imagine Dragons, Bazzi, MAX, and Ella Mai. It's not just the music that makes the experience so great. It's learning more about the artist and being present with them. It's being fully immersed in their art and music. It's spending quality time with friends that will last a lifetime. So if you ever get the chance or opportunity to go see an artist that you like live, take it.

4. Try something new.
In the last two months of 2018, I started to dabble in songwriting. And so far, I have written some pretty a small collection of songs. My songwriting journey started from heartbreak. I had recently gotten out of something with a guy that I really liked, and I was pretty hurt from the end of our relationship. Typically, I let my feelings pass through when I journal, but I wanted to try something new. So I decided to write songs about how I was feeling and within a couple of weeks, I felt instantly better. Now, songwriting is one of my favorite hobbies because it allows me to channel my feelings into a creative medium. I would have never thought that I would be able to write music of my own, but I decided to go for it. Never be afraid to step in uncharted waters!

5. Know your worth.
For the longest of time, I was in love with someone who made me emotionally weak. It was because I had always been vying for his love and affection since the beginning of time. He was the first boy I liked. He was the first boy I loved. And your first love will always have the strongest hold on you. Our relationship was about as complicated as Ross and Rachel from Friends. One minute we would be on again, and the next minute, we would be off. There was never a moment in time where we were on the same page. This confusing relationship made me constantly question my self-worth. However, by the end of summer, I finally came to the realization that he wasn't good for me. I forced myself to move on, and I am glad that I did. Going on dates and meeting new people has helped me learn what it takes to be in a happy and healthy relationship. I am worthy of love and affection.

6. Make meaningful friendships.
Going into college, I was really nervous about how well I would interact with the people that I meet. I had grown up with a lot of my friends and peers in high school so I always knew who I was going to eat lunch with, celebrate my birthday with, etc. But I quickly opened up to a lot of people when I was at UC Irvine. It turns out, I am quite the social butterfly. In college, I have met so many genuinely amazing people. However, to keep friends, you have to invest in them, spend time with them, and really get to know them. So, don't forget to set aside time for your friends. Being present in their lives insures that they will be present in yours.

7. Embrace your quirks.
I like to consider myself a pretty quirky gal. This year, I briefly dated a fourth year that I thought was a lot cooler than me. He texted with formal grammar and diction while I spoke in memes and gifs. He worked on cool robotics coding projects while I liked to work on matrices for fun. He was heavily invested in his faith while I was still exploring mine. I wanted to be cool for him because I felt like he was too cool for me. Because of this, I felt uptight and rigid. I didn't know if I could crack jokes or if he would understand my slang because he was so disconnected from my world. He was the epitome of maturity and class while I was still trying to figure out who I was. I chose to embrace my quirks -- my memes, my gifs, and my nerdy hobbies. I pride myself on my quirky personality because it is the coolest thing about me. Although we did not last long, I like to think that he helped me realize that I don't need to put a lot of pressure upon myself to meet what I believe he expects and wants from me. He liked me for a reason, memes and all.

8. Think for yourself.
I am a people pleaser and extremely indecisive in nature. For the most part, I strongly rely on my friend's opinions and advice for some sort of guidance in life decisions. I'm always afraid to think for myself because that would mean that if I make a big mistake, I would only have myself to blame. But sometimes, you have to call the shots and make your own life decisions. Your friends should not be the one who choose who you date, what you want to do, or how you live your life. At the end of the day, it's your life to live. Listen to your heart and act on it.

9. Give all the love that you can give.
My mama always tells me that I care too much. She's right. Sometimes I give too much heart to people who don't do much to deserve it. But I am inherently a person who loves too much. I care about my friends and family that I would move mountains for them because I believe that love goes a long way. So when someone hurts me, I am not going to retaliate with bitterness or anger. Instead, I choose to kill them with kindness. Because the best way to make a person miss you is to realize the love that they have lost.

10. Conquer your fears.
Singing is a little hobby of mine that I like to keep to myself. It took me years to work up the courage to sing in front of some of my closest friends and this is because I was always afraid of being the object of criticism. I didn't want critics to ruin something that I loved to do because I wouldn't want to sing again. This year, my close friend, Mo, encouraged me to do a solo act for a variety show. I reluctantly agreed to it. Somehow, by the grace of God, I managed to do it even though I had really bad stage fright. I can confidently say that it was one of the most rewarding experiences in my life.

11. Take a break from the screen.
Before I went on my trip to Jamaica, my mission leader told us that we would be forced to be off the grid for an entire week. The prospect of this was extremely scary. I was so worried about all of the things I would miss if I didn't have my phone. My phone follows me everywhere. It connects me to everything and everyone. Going on the mission trip to Jamaica without access to my phone made my experience 10000 times more intentional. I loved going off the grid so much that I didn't want to get my phone back when we got back to the States. I realized that being tethered to my phone would have made me me miss a lot of things surrounding me. Jamaica wouldn't be the same if I had my phone. I would be more fixated about taking pictures of the landscape than being in awe of the view. I would be more fixated about sharing my experience in Jamaica than interacting with the children. Now that I'm back home, I'm trying to not rely too heavily on my phone. To be more present. Because when you're actually living life instead of recording it, it's a lot better.

12. God's love is everywhere.
Jamaica taught me the power of having faith. Growing up, I was never really invested in Catholicism. My parents were both Catholic so it was only natural that I continue practicing it. I felt like I was blindly believing and following the religion with no real reason behind it. My prayers felt empty. But when I went to Jamaica, I saw God's work at hand. I saw his love in the children I took care of. The experience was truly life-changing because I learned so much about my faith. Now, I see his grace, his beauty, and his presence in everyone that I meet.

13. Let people surprise you.
I'm a planner. I love planning surprise parties for my friends. I love planning dinner dates. I love planning my life. As the planner, I don't usually have people planning or make any big gestures for me. I don't expect it. But this year, my friends and loved ones have surprised me. On my 20th birthday, my friends kidnapped me and threw an amazingly sweet surprise party. I've never felt more loved in my entire life, and it's because of the people around me that make me feel this way.

14. Create your own adventure.
One of the highlights of my summer was going on a Lake Arrowhead getaway trip with some of my closest high school friends. We rented an Airbnb cabin and did a boatload of fun activities with each other. The three day getaway was filled with good laughs, funny stories, and great moments. Going out to explore the world around you is always a breathtaking and unique experience. Don't limit yourself or place yourself in the confines of a small room. Go outside, explore, and have fun!

15. Learn to be flexible.
I am a very picky and particular person. I like to do things a certain way, and I can get easily disappointed if things don't work out the way I want them to. My job has definitely tested my patience and willingness to be flexible. There are always last-minute obstacles and challenges that we have to face in the workplace. Because of this, I have learned to work on finding my "go with the flow" attitude.

16. Teamwork makes the dream work.
I work with the coolest team of women on the planet. Each of them are amazing people. Together, we are a force to be reckoned with. Often times, I like to do things on my own. I lean towards individual projects than group work. However, I've learned that in a team, everyone holds some sort of value and importance. Each person has something that is special that they can bring to the table. No one in my team is the same, but we all work really well together because we recognize our differences and what we can contribute. So embrace your uniqueness, it's what makes you valuable in a team.

17. Do small acts of kindness.
My mama had this iconic phrase that she used to tell me when I was younger. "It's hard to love, but it's easy to hate. Choose love." I believe that love comes from a kind and open heart. This year, I was committed to doing as much as I can to help others. I filled up my free time with volunteering and strengthening my friendships. I believe it is important to treat others with kindness. It could be as simple as bringing over a hot bowl of chicken noodle soup when a friend is sick or taking time out of your day to hang out with a friend who has had a rough week. The people in my life are important to me. It's my job as their friend/partner/sister/daughter to be thoughtful, intentional, and present. By performing small acts of kindness, I can show them how much I love them. Because when things go awry for me, I know that I have great people in my life to lift me up.   

18. Quality memories do not need to be expensive.
Now that I live in an apartment, I am fully experiencing "independence." I am in charge of cooking for myself, paying my rent, and going to work. Going to work made me more financially aware and savvy. Instead of spending superfluously, I stuck to a budget. Instead of going on dinner dates at expensive restaurants, I asked my significant other if we could stay in, cook, and watch a movie. Our hangouts and meals weren't extravagant in any way, but it was the experience and comfort of being with each other that mattered. I have learned that you don't have to shell out a lot of money to have a good time. Fun memories are born out of creativity and an open and positive mind. I think the most fun I've had this year is the many intimate dinner parties and movie dates I have hosted at my apartment.

This year, I've learned to laugh, to love, and to live. And I am extremely grateful for the lessons, memories, and moments of 2018. Thank you for being loyal readers to my blog. I hope your year was as transformative and memorable as mine.

Here's to another year of more laughs and big adventures! Goodbye 2018, hello 2019.

This is a peek/recap of some of the moments that I have had this year and what I have learned from them. I decided to be as raw and real to you as I can because the reality is that my life is not perfect. I am constantly learning to improve upon myself. If I one day achieve this so-called "perfection," I will definitely make sure to let you in on the secret. Until then, here is a long and very honest post about life. Hopefully, you can take these life lessons and learn something from it! :)

1. Learn to handle rejection.
Rejection is not easy. From college rejection letters to an unexpected turn in one of my relationships, I have found that rejection has become easier to swallow. I take rejection as a sign. Sometimes, things are not meant to be. Just because you did not get your "dream" intern position does not mean that you are not worthy of a successful and prosperous future. Rejection can also be taken as a critique. Maybe you did not match the standard. If you are driven, eventually, you will get what you deserve. I have learned to take what I get and improve upon myself. Don't let rejection get you down!

2. Stay true to yourself.
I consider myself a people pleaser. I am constantly trying to appease people so that I could feel accepted. Being in college, I learned that the best "mask" to put on is to just be me. People who judge you for "being yourself" is not worthy of your time. I am constantly learning new things about myself and discovering new interests. I have to say, college has definitely changed me. I have become a person that I truly love. This new version of Emily is great!

3. Be adventurous.
Growing up, I have always been timid and scared. I like to stay in my bubble. I don't like doing risky things that push me outside of my comfort zone. Perhaps it is due to my very sheltered upbringing, but I am always scared of taking risks. Going into college, I realized that being spontaneous and adventurous can actually be a good thing. But spontaneity has its limits. This year, I managed to accomplish so many things that I could never have imagined completing at the beginning of the year. These moments can only be credited to my adventurous and curious nature.

4. Have a severe case of FOMO.
Similar to #3, I have learned to really put myself out there and try new things. From attending my first frat party to going on my first crazy rollercoaster, I have learned new things about myself. For example, I have learned that I do not like frat parties at all. LOL. However, I have learned that I LOVE rollercoasters. I used to hate them, but after going on several coasters this year, it is my favorite thing EVER. I have always made excuses to flake out of things, but this year, I went for it. If I had said no to all of these moments, I would not have discovered these new interests!

5. Things are not complicated unless you make it complicated.
I guess I had always had this dream that things would work out one day between me and a particular boy. I had always labelled this relationship "complicated" because I constantly told myself that this was a one-sided relationship. In the four years of high school that we had together, I had fallen so hard for him that I don't think anything could have changed the way I felt about him. Even after spending the majority of the summer apart and living miles away from him, he would still be on my mind. I know now that I should have told him a lot sooner. I should have told him the moment I got an inkling of a feeling for him. I should have nipped these feelings in the bud before it metastasized. I should have just been honest to him and myself. I should have jumped the gun and take away the "complicated" label. It really isn't complicated.

6. Prioritize.
Time. It seems like we can't get enough of it when we need it. I always feel like it is a struggle to manage my time wisely. Prioritizing has become a very necessary skill in college. If I want to do something, I have to allot some time for it. You can always make excuses about how you aren't able to do something that you wanted to get done. At the end of the day, your failures mostly fall upon your shoulders. If you want to succeed, you have to effectively work for it. Never would I have thought I would become a crazy planner person. Planning out my day really helps me stick to a schedule to get things done. Because of my meticulous planning, I always have leftover time to do the things I want.

7. Pain is only temporary.
Have you ever felt this sense of utter hopelessness? A feeling where you are completely lost and confused? At the beginning of this year, I had honestly felt like no matter how hard I tried, things would not go my way. However, pain from heartbreak or rejection is short lived. Moving on may not be easy at first, but it will eventually get better. Remember -- the only constant in life is change.

8. Live in the moment.
Sometimes, it's good to put your phone down for a while and just take in the world as a whole. I believe that some of my happiest memories of 2017 is when I made an effort to be as present as I could with the people around me and my surroundings. Your phone may capture the memories, but memories are not worth capturing if you are not having loads of fun! So, always remember to take a moment to put the phone down and engage.

9. Step out of your comfort zone.
I have learned to take a lot of chances in the first few months of college. You never know if you will come across a new hobby that you thoroughly enjoy. One such hobby that I came across in college is yoga. I had never really considered yoga exercise, but when I spontaneously decided to show up for a yoga class, I fell in love. Yoga was extremely fun and I loved everything about it. If I had chosen to stay in my dorm room, I might not have had the chance to pick up this new hobby. Another example in which I stepped outside of my comfort zone was to go to an event alone. My school had offered to take any student who was interested to the Griffith Observatory. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I have always wanted to experience Griffith Observatory. None of my college friends could make it, but I decided that I was going to go anyways. It was tons of fun. Even though I originally went alone, I made two new friends from that experience. It was truly memorable and definitely worthwhile.

10. Practice self love.
College is drastically different from high school. The culture is different, the workload is harder, and the stress is at an all time high. Despite all of this, it is important to practice self care. Sometimes things can get really rough, but that doesn't mean that you should skip dinners to finish an assignment. I have learned to love myself and value my health which is why I cannot stress how important it is to continuously take care of yourself and measure your level of happiness.

11. Make time for the things you love.
If you haven't noticed, I have been on a 3 month hiatus of no posts on this blog because of school. I have constantly pushed aside blogging because I always felt like it wasn't a big priority in my life. However, blogging brings me great joy and I truly miss it. I would really like to continue this hobby for a long time, so I definitely need to carve out some time for it!

12. Keep good habits.
Recently, I have practiced a lot of reading, journaling, meditation and yoga. Hobbies like these have helped me stop scrolling through my phone for hours and timidly waiting for a text from a special someone. I have been able to release a lot of negative energy in my life with these various outlets and I think each activity has affected my life in a positive manner. With these new habits that I keep up in my life, I have managed to keep my mind clear of negative thoughts. My college friends have always commented on my bubbly optimistic personality and its because I am truly happy. While most college students seem to always be unhappy and stressed, I feel like I have managed to keep a very healthy lifestyle -- a balance between me time and work. I am truly happy when I get to do the things I love!

13. Work for your relationships.
Relationships are important. Going to college, I have learned that there are some friends that I still want to have in my life. And others that I have no interest in staying in touch with. In college, a social life does not come to you as easily as it does in high school. You can't simply expect that people will want to be friends with you. You actually have to make the effort. You have to put yourself out there to make friends and find your niche. The relationships you work the hardest for are the ones that are worth keeping.

14. It's okay to cry.
I am not much of a crying person. I do not consider myself an "emotional" person. In fact, I usually like to dodge feelings. My emotions are my own personal business and I do not like putting people in an awkward position where they would have to comfort me. Often times, when I am upset, disappointed, or sad, I burst into laughter. I am not entirely sure what is the reason behind it, but for some reason I find pain (when someone/something hurts me) unbearingly funny. 2017 was a different year for me. I cried. A LOT. I cried when a guy bailed on me the day before a dance. I cried when I got my first acceptance letter to college. I cried when I felt stressed and overwhelmed. I cried when I retired from my term as Lieutenant Governor. I cried because I was homesick and my parents would continuously trigger sad emotions whenever they said "I miss you." I cried when I was unhappy. I cried when I missed people from back home. I cried when I felt alone. I cried when I felt an overwhelming amount of joy. I was an "emotional basketcase." But sometimes, crying is just what you need to dump everything out. Whether it's a celebratory cry or a sad cry, it does not make you weak to shed a tear every once in a while.

15. Work for what you want.
I had this dream sophomore year to host a dance that would raise money for a children's hospital. Because I had a friend who was the ASB treasurer for some time, I knew a lot about dances and how much the school makes from ticket sales. When I had come up with this idea as a sophomore, my friends told me it was unfeasible and that I should ditch the dream. I always had it on the back of my mind. Senior year was the year I finally took charge and made those dreams a reality. Even if the dance was not a success, I would still learn from the experience. I was willing to take the risks because the rewards seemed far greater. For weeks and weeks, I had dedicated a lot of time to working on this dance. Eventually, my hard work paid off. I managed to raise over $2000 for the Pediatric Trauma Program which benefits children's hospitals in California, Nevada, and Hawaii. It was an unforgettable night and I will never forget the feeling of achieving a dream that I had always thought was "impossible."

16. Build bridges, don't burn them.
In 2016, I burned a lot of bridges. I wasn't too proud of that. There were a lot of relationships that I had with some of my friends that I lost. 2017 was the year I built new ones with new friends and mended the relationships I had with the old ones. Regardless of the circumstances of how we ended things, I am extremely happy about the current state that I am in. Repairing all of my relationships and creating new ones has helped me become a better person. While my old relationships are not like what they used to be, I have buried the hatchet with many of my "enemies" (it's a harsh word, but I couldn't think of an alternative) and learned to open up my heart to all types of people in my life (even the ones that I am not particularly fond of). When the time comes and I die, I want to be able to die knowing that I do not have bad blood with anyone.

17. Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
You realize which people you really love and care about when you move far away from home. I learned the value that each of my close friends and family have on my life by how much I miss them. Starting a new chapter does not mean that you forget the rest of the book. Those memories stay with you forever. I have decided to share with you a message that I had sent to my high school friends the day I moved into college.

"As I embark on this new chapter of my life, I know that I am not entirely alone. Each of you have rubbed off on me in some way. Nimo's kindness. Wil's curiosity. Anna's humor. Maisha's spirit. Emon's warmth. Nina's aesthetic. Jill's laugh. Emma's creativity. Diego's sass. Saje's generosity. Naehu's strength. Dylan's hugs. Teagan's smile. There will never be a time where I feel like I am truly alone. So thank you. You make me feel really really lucky."

Thank you for being such great readers. Here is to an exciting new year filled with more lessons to learn, great memories, and amazing people! I cannot wait to share more quality content and improve upon this blog this year. Goodbye 2017, hello 2018.

Hello friends!

Today is another day for a words of wisdom post. I really like sharing personal things about myself on the internet because I feel like my stories can help someone out there too. Not too long ago, I wrote a post called Accepting Emily. I would be lying to you if I said that writing that one was easy. However, I got a lot of positive feedback from that post. It made me feel like I was making an impact, which is why I love posting under this category. I got stopped at school one day and a girl told me that the post really helped her with her own set of struggles. I may seem picture perfect on the blog, but it's just a small piece of my life. Every day, I still struggle with learning to accept myself and the things that are happening around me. But I am slowly getting there.

In a world centered around social media, I often find myself comparing what I look like to supermodels and fellow peers. Getting exposed to a daily dose of what people would call "beautiful" made it hard for me to like the way I look. Am I enough? Am I beautiful? I would always pick out the things that I lacked in and it was not a good cycle. I would constantly stand in front of a mirror and find things that I didn't like. I blamed my skin when a boy I liked didn't like me the same. Well, screw that boy. He missed out on a chance to get to know a really awesome person. The reality is, nobody is perfect. Somebody else's version of ugly is another person's version of beautiful. A single person shouldn't determine my self-worth. I am valuable in every possible way. I am beautiful. I guess it took me several years to finally see that.

Nevertheless, I am still a work-in-progress. I still have my own set of insecurities, but I am starting to love the little weird things about me that make me who I am. Jenn Im, one of my biggest fashion inspirations, posted a video on her YouTube Channel called the My Perfect Imperfections Tag. I do not have my own YouTube channel, but I decided it would be interesting if I wrote it out in this blog. Here is to another dose of Emily realness.

First off, I want to explain the structure of the tag. You have to pick out 3 things that you dislike about yourself, 3 extrinsic things that you love about yourself, 1 personality trait that you dislike, and 1 personality trait that you love. I hope you participate in this tag as well. Whether that is creating your own YouTube video to post online or writing it down in your journal. It is a really great way to practice self-love.

My Flaws

1. My scars
When I was young, I had the softest and smoothest skin. My favorite part of my body was my back. However, when I got older, things changed. My growth spurt happened so quickly that my skin didn't have time to stretch out gradually, leaving me with stretch marks on my butt, thighs, and knees. In addition to my newly acquired stretch marks, I developed severe scoliosis which I could only correct with surgery.  My flawless back was now slashed with a 14-inch scar going down the middle. I disliked my scars. I thought they were hideous and they were the main reason why I never liked going to the beach as I got older. I couldn't help but feel like everyone was staring at me wondering what went wrong. This summer has helped me look past these flaws. My scars make me unique. I have an interesting story to tell. Not many people can say they went through a spinal surgery at the ripe age of 14 and had to learn how to walk again. I am different and different is good. Who wants to be boring?

2. My skin
All of you know my constant struggle with acne. Each day I awake with a new set of pimples or acne scarring. These last two years, my breakouts have been minimal. However, I just recently experienced another epic breakout which was definitely a throwback to the days where I would go on a constant torturous search to get my acne fixed quick. I am handling things differently now. Sure, I don't have perfect, flawless, porcelain skin. But it's not a crime to have a pimple sprout on your face. I still feel good about the way I look even when I decide not to cover it up. Everyone experiences acne in their teenage years. You just have to realize that it's genes that are causing this.

3. My chest
b00bs. If there was an executive board for the itty bitty titty committee, I would be president. My chest is about as flat as a middle school boy LOL. I often joke to my friends that I am a plank. Okay, it's not that flat. But you get my point. Sometimes I come across men that have bigger boobs than me. My biggest problem with no boobs is that I have an issue working with low-cut anything. My proportions are way off and sometimes I have to compensate with a massive push-up bra like the VS bombshell. Push-up bras actually hurt. While my itty bitty titties cannot hold a strapless dress up for its life, there are a lot of awesome things about having nonexistent boobs. I can jump, run, and swim without my boobs getting in the way. Sports bras do nothing for me because I need no support. I don't need to spend loads of money on expensive bras. I experience no back pain because there is nothing in the front weighing me down. I can lay flat on my chest. I can go braless because my boobs are undetectable. Bralettes are my best friend. And I will never have to experience sagging because my boobs will forever remain perky since there is almost none to begin with. :) Jokes aside, I have actually grown to like my flatness.

My Strengths

1. My brows
I have a full set of brows that I never have to fill in. The natural full brow is a big trend in the makeup world and I am pretty lucky to have a full set. At the end of the day, I don't need to wipe my brows off of my face because they are always there. My brows frame my eyes and I have to thank my parents for giving me these furry little caterpillars. :)

2. My hair
Ever since I was a young kid, I always had soft thick hair. My mother was a huge believer of Vietnamese superstitions. According to my mother, I had very thin hair as a kid so my mom decided to consult my grandma about this issue. My grandma advised her to shave all of my hair off and she did. I was walking around like a bald 1-year-old, but my hair grew a lot thicker. Now I am not entirely sure if this works, but according to my mother, it did. I have so much hair now that my pig tails look like two massive ponytails in comparison to a thin-haired gal. I consider my hair my greatest accessory.

3. My smile
I always love smiling. Smiling makes me happy and puts me in a better mood even if I am having a bad day. As a kid, I always had a slight overbite. So, in the 6th grade, my mom took me to the orthodontist to straighten up my teeth. I was so insecure about smiling for the longest of time. Brace face is not cute. As soon as I got them removed, I couldn't stop showing off my pearly whites. Smiling is infectious. It makes me and the people around me happier. I love sending out positive vibes when I smile. :)

Personality Flaws

1. Overthinking
One of my biggest struggles is overthinking things. I often lose sleep over the littlest of things because I am constantly worried and stressed about the future. I have a hard time accepting the way things are. Whenever I strike a conversation, a million thoughts are racing through my mind. I pick every little thing apart because I never want to settle. Because of this, I often get really tired and burnt out very quickly. I cause a lot of unnecessary stress and I have been working hard to learn how to quiet my mind. Lately, I have taken on journaling and daily exercise to help me relieve any stress so that I would stop sweating over the little things. My mind is more peaceful now and I no longer have worrisome thoughts!

Personality Strengths

1. Ambition
The one trait that I love about myself is my ambition. I have always been the kind of gal who sets her eyes on the prize and is ready to do whatever it takes to achieve success. The fire that is lit inside of me never burns out because I always have the energy to chase my dreams. Like Matthew McConaughey, my role model is myself 10 years from now. I will always work to improve myself because that person is someone worth chasing after. For my senior year, I chose this quote because it seemed to fit me so well. "Every morning you have two choices - continue to sleep with your dreams or wake up and chase them."


I look like a little boy in this picture, but this is proof that my mother shaved my head when I was a kid. Whenever you are feeling low about yourself, just think. Would the younger version of yourself be happy with the way you are? Is he/she really going to notice those little flaws that you pick out every day? Probably not. I could easily change the things that I don't like about myself like getting a breast augmentation or doing laser removal. And I am not going to lie. I have always had those thoughts in the back of my mind. But I realize now that my vanity is not worth going under the knife for. It's a solution to a short-term problem. We are all going to be wrinkly old sacks at the end of the day so just own the way you look! A confident version of yourself is the best version.

So, I challenge you to do this tag. You can write it in a notebook or post it online. Whatever floats your boat. I think sharing my imperfections will help others realize that we are all perfect in our own way and that's what makes us awesome!

“I am my own biggest critic. Before anyone else has criticized me, I have already criticized myself. But for the rest of my life, I am going to be with me and I don't want to spend my life with someone who is always critical. So I am going to stop being my own critic. It's high time that I accept all the great things about me.”

This simple quote takes me back to sophomore year. There are not many quotes or mantras that I can directly relate to. But this quote reminds me of one of the toughest years I have ever dealt with in my teenage life.

I believe that what you put online is purely what you want people to see. Someone who is carefree, fun, beautiful, etc. Only the good stuff. But that's not fair. Behind the screen, this blog was written by a once broken girl. Now she is a recovered girl. But the scars and hurt still remain.

I was very hesitant on whether or not I should write this post. Not only because I know that my fellow readers are people from my school and my friends, but also because this post brings up something I was so uncomfortable with for so long. It strips down the good and reveals the bad. However, I want to lead by example. I want to reach out from this computer screen to the person who feels the same way that I used to. Because at the end of the dark tunnel of self-hate, comes self-love.

This blog was meant for good things. Sometimes I post things because I feel inspired and creative. Other times I just post because it is fun and silly to pretend that I am an expert of fashion when I don't really know much. (Honestly, I am pretty sure I am one half troll.) I feel as if I share all of the good and fun things about me. Now, I want to reveal the bad. I have demons and I want to confess. Getting it off of my chest is the best thing I could do for myself. Reading this post could be a good thing for you too. Because I am talking reality. Teenager to teenager. Life is unfair. 

Okay. *deep breaths, Emily, you can write this* Here is to all of the people who have felt like me at least once in their life.

I never had an issue with body image or self-love. Beauty tips were at the bottom of my list and school was at the top. I was more obsessed with getting good grades than what I wore for the day. But by sophomore year, I realized that I was more aware of how desperately I wanted to fit in. I wanted to break out of my "nerdy" mold and transform into someone people talked about. 

Sophomore year I surrounded myself with interesting people. I so badly wanted to fit with what I considered acceptable that I was lost in the midst of it all. It took me several months until I realized I was vain. These interesting friends of mine were not my friends. Rather, they were people who were kind to me in person but slandered me behind my back. Their compliments, which seemed to be truthful at the time, were hollow. This bad aura that I collected from my desperation was something I needed to get rid of.

After losing my so-called "friends", I found better people. The people I turned my back to, to move up the ladder. The people that truly had my back. The people that only brought out the best within me and made me feel accepted. I no longer cared whether or not people noticed this outfit I wore or how high I climbed up in the social ladder. I was where I wanted to be. With people I learned to appreciate more than ever.

Feeling at the top of my game, I plummeted back into a ball of insecurities at the third trimester of sophomore year. Shortly after spring break, I changed. Skin that used to be so clear was replaced with skin swollen with red bumps. I hated it. Acne made it hard for me to love myself. While my crush was continuously pining over a pimple free girl who did theater and was all-together perfect, I was sitting in the corner torturing myself with an endless video playlist of beauty gurus showing how they "got rid of their acne overnight/in five days/in a week/ etc." I wanted the torture to be over. A boy that I was pining over since the beginning of freshman year only looked to me as a "friend". I thought that it was this acne that prevented him from seeing that I could be more. I felt that if my skin changed, maybe he would see me more than a friend. My skin was my barrier. And I was desperate to fix it. 

I began to wear foundation. Something that I never considered putting on my face before. However, it concealed the ugliness of it all and I just wanted my acne to go away. I still remember my mother's worried look when I ate breakfast with her each morning across the kitchen table. "Why do you have to wear so much makeup?" she said. I sat there quietly. All I wanted to say was "Because, mom, I don't feel pretty."

There are about 10 posts that I had written that never made it onto this blog. I did not feel comfortable showing my face on this blog for such a long time. Hence, the inconsistency of posts in spring/summer. 

Everyday in my sophomore year I was at a constant battle with myself. I had my fair share of high and low moments. 

In the summer of 2016, I gave myself a break. There was no one I had to compare myself to. I just needed to accept me. It was a long and torturous journey, but I overcame it. By junior year, I came back to school -- recovered. 

My classmates have always praised me for this blog and the feats that I have achieved in my high school career. "Wow, Emily! You look so pretty on your blog." While these comments were all reassuring, I was still struggling to love myself. 

Now, I am makeup free. When I put on makeup, it is not to conceal the ugly, but to bring out the beautiful. Now, I am free. I am free from the prison of self-hate. I have decided to reside in my new haven -- self-love. To all of the teenagers who are going through teenage life feeling like they have lost what they feel makes them beautiful, you are not alone. Because I, a seemingly normal-looking teenager, had my own fair share of struggles. Now, I am fine. 

From me, a recovered teenager, to you, I want to leave a simple message: Everything is going to be okay.