I had contemplated on whether or not I was going to write a "lessons I learned" post on the blog because I haven't been as active on here as I would like to be. I'm glad that I ultimately decided to stick to this tradition. It's always nice to reflect on everything that has happened to me this year and how it has transformed me. On this blog, I have watched myself grow, and I want to take my readers on this journey with me too.
So without further ado, here are the lessons I learned in 2018:
1. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
For the longest time, I thought I had a perfect family. But sometimes, there are challenges that arise. And when those problems arise, they test even the strongest relationships to see if they are worthy to be coined as perfect. This year showed me that my family can have moments of imperfection. However, we were strong enough to pull through an extremely difficult challenge this year and come out as a whole family again. Our strength in love helped us face adversity headstrong. I realize now that no family is perfect. But the beset kind of family is the one that sticks together even when times get tough.
2. Don't be afraid to say yes.
I coined 2018 as my "yes" year. I used to limit myself from so many opportunities because I would tell myself that I wouldn't be able to do it or that I wasn't enough. Knowing that I am my own biggest critic, I decided to toss that part of me aside and say "yes." Because I said "yes," I opened a whole new world for myself. Here's a couple of really cool things that I did this year because I chose to say "yes":
- I went to Jamaica on a FOCUS mission trip to serve underprivileged and disabled youth
- I volunteered at the Correctional Institute for Men where I tutored inmates so that they would be prepared to take their GED exam
- I joined an Intermural Volleyball Team (Boneless Rotation) that made it to playoffs
- I sang in front of a large crowd for the first time in my entire life
- I got my first professional job at first year housing, creating academic and community programs for students at UCI
I have recently found a love for concerts. For the longest time, I was a skeptic about going to concerts because I couldn't justify the expensive price for the experience. Now, I can confidently tell you that going to concerts is worth every penny. This year alone, I have gone to five! I have seen Imagine Dragons, Bazzi, MAX, and Ella Mai. It's not just the music that makes the experience so great. It's learning more about the artist and being present with them. It's being fully immersed in their art and music. It's spending quality time with friends that will last a lifetime. So if you ever get the chance or opportunity to go see an artist that you like live, take it.
4. Try something new.
In the last two months of 2018, I started to dabble in songwriting. And so far, I have written some pretty a small collection of songs. My songwriting journey started from heartbreak. I had recently gotten out of something with a guy that I really liked, and I was pretty hurt from the end of our relationship. Typically, I let my feelings pass through when I journal, but I wanted to try something new. So I decided to write songs about how I was feeling and within a couple of weeks, I felt instantly better. Now, songwriting is one of my favorite hobbies because it allows me to channel my feelings into a creative medium. I would have never thought that I would be able to write music of my own, but I decided to go for it. Never be afraid to step in uncharted waters!
5. Know your worth.
For the longest of time, I was in love with someone who made me emotionally weak. It was because I had always been vying for his love and affection since the beginning of time. He was the first boy I liked. He was the first boy I loved. And your first love will always have the strongest hold on you. Our relationship was about as complicated as Ross and Rachel from Friends. One minute we would be on again, and the next minute, we would be off. There was never a moment in time where we were on the same page. This confusing relationship made me constantly question my self-worth. However, by the end of summer, I finally came to the realization that he wasn't good for me. I forced myself to move on, and I am glad that I did. Going on dates and meeting new people has helped me learn what it takes to be in a happy and healthy relationship. I am worthy of love and affection.
6. Make meaningful friendships.
Going into college, I was really nervous about how well I would interact with the people that I meet. I had grown up with a lot of my friends and peers in high school so I always knew who I was going to eat lunch with, celebrate my birthday with, etc. But I quickly opened up to a lot of people when I was at UC Irvine. It turns out, I am quite the social butterfly. In college, I have met so many genuinely amazing people. However, to keep friends, you have to invest in them, spend time with them, and really get to know them. So, don't forget to set aside time for your friends. Being present in their lives insures that they will be present in yours.
7. Embrace your quirks.
I like to consider myself a pretty quirky gal. This year, I briefly dated a fourth year that I thought was a lot cooler than me. He texted with formal grammar and diction while I spoke in memes and gifs. He worked on cool robotics coding projects while I liked to work on matrices for fun. He was heavily invested in his faith while I was still exploring mine. I wanted to be cool for him because I felt like he was too cool for me. Because of this, I felt uptight and rigid. I didn't know if I could crack jokes or if he would understand my slang because he was so disconnected from my world. He was the epitome of maturity and class while I was still trying to figure out who I was. I chose to embrace my quirks -- my memes, my gifs, and my nerdy hobbies. I pride myself on my quirky personality because it is the coolest thing about me. Although we did not last long, I like to think that he helped me realize that I don't need to put a lot of pressure upon myself to meet what I believe he expects and wants from me. He liked me for a reason, memes and all.
8. Think for yourself.
I am a people pleaser and extremely indecisive in nature. For the most part, I strongly rely on my friend's opinions and advice for some sort of guidance in life decisions. I'm always afraid to think for myself because that would mean that if I make a big mistake, I would only have myself to blame. But sometimes, you have to call the shots and make your own life decisions. Your friends should not be the one who choose who you date, what you want to do, or how you live your life. At the end of the day, it's your life to live. Listen to your heart and act on it.
9. Give all the love that you can give.
My mama always tells me that I care too much. She's right. Sometimes I give too much heart to people who don't do much to deserve it. But I am inherently a person who loves too much. I care about my friends and family that I would move mountains for them because I believe that love goes a long way. So when someone hurts me, I am not going to retaliate with bitterness or anger. Instead, I choose to kill them with kindness. Because the best way to make a person miss you is to realize the love that they have lost.
10. Conquer your fears.
Singing is a little hobby of mine that I like to keep to myself. It took me years to work up the courage to sing in front of some of my closest friends and this is because I was always afraid of being the object of criticism. I didn't want critics to ruin something that I loved to do because I wouldn't want to sing again. This year, my close friend, Mo, encouraged me to do a solo act for a variety show. I reluctantly agreed to it. Somehow, by the grace of God, I managed to do it even though I had really bad stage fright. I can confidently say that it was one of the most rewarding experiences in my life.
11. Take a break from the screen.
Before I went on my trip to Jamaica, my mission leader told us that we would be forced to be off the grid for an entire week. The prospect of this was extremely scary. I was so worried about all of the things I would miss if I didn't have my phone. My phone follows me everywhere. It connects me to everything and everyone. Going on the mission trip to Jamaica without access to my phone made my experience 10000 times more intentional. I loved going off the grid so much that I didn't want to get my phone back when we got back to the States. I realized that being tethered to my phone would have made me me miss a lot of things surrounding me. Jamaica wouldn't be the same if I had my phone. I would be more fixated about taking pictures of the landscape than being in awe of the view. I would be more fixated about sharing my experience in Jamaica than interacting with the children. Now that I'm back home, I'm trying to not rely too heavily on my phone. To be more present. Because when you're actually living life instead of recording it, it's a lot better.
12. God's love is everywhere.
Jamaica taught me the power of having faith. Growing up, I was never really invested in Catholicism. My parents were both Catholic so it was only natural that I continue practicing it. I felt like I was blindly believing and following the religion with no real reason behind it. My prayers felt empty. But when I went to Jamaica, I saw God's work at hand. I saw his love in the children I took care of. The experience was truly life-changing because I learned so much about my faith. Now, I see his grace, his beauty, and his presence in everyone that I meet.
13. Let people surprise you.
I'm a planner. I love planning surprise parties for my friends. I love planning dinner dates. I love planning my life. As the planner, I don't usually have people planning or make any big gestures for me. I don't expect it. But this year, my friends and loved ones have surprised me. On my 20th birthday, my friends kidnapped me and threw an amazingly sweet surprise party. I've never felt more loved in my entire life, and it's because of the people around me that make me feel this way.
14. Create your own adventure.
One of the highlights of my summer was going on a Lake Arrowhead getaway trip with some of my closest high school friends. We rented an Airbnb cabin and did a boatload of fun activities with each other. The three day getaway was filled with good laughs, funny stories, and great moments. Going out to explore the world around you is always a breathtaking and unique experience. Don't limit yourself or place yourself in the confines of a small room. Go outside, explore, and have fun!
15. Learn to be flexible.
I am a very picky and particular person. I like to do things a certain way, and I can get easily disappointed if things don't work out the way I want them to. My job has definitely tested my patience and willingness to be flexible. There are always last-minute obstacles and challenges that we have to face in the workplace. Because of this, I have learned to work on finding my "go with the flow" attitude.
16. Teamwork makes the dream work.
I work with the coolest team of women on the planet. Each of them are amazing people. Together, we are a force to be reckoned with. Often times, I like to do things on my own. I lean towards individual projects than group work. However, I've learned that in a team, everyone holds some sort of value and importance. Each person has something that is special that they can bring to the table. No one in my team is the same, but we all work really well together because we recognize our differences and what we can contribute. So embrace your uniqueness, it's what makes you valuable in a team.
17. Do small acts of kindness.
My mama had this iconic phrase that she used to tell me when I was younger. "It's hard to love, but it's easy to hate. Choose love." I believe that love comes from a kind and open heart. This year, I was committed to doing as much as I can to help others. I filled up my free time with volunteering and strengthening my friendships. I believe it is important to treat others with kindness. It could be as simple as bringing over a hot bowl of chicken noodle soup when a friend is sick or taking time out of your day to hang out with a friend who has had a rough week. The people in my life are important to me. It's my job as their friend/partner/sister/daughter to be thoughtful, intentional, and present. By performing small acts of kindness, I can show them how much I love them. Because when things go awry for me, I know that I have great people in my life to lift me up.
18. Quality memories do not need to be expensive.
Now that I live in an apartment, I am fully experiencing "independence." I am in charge of cooking for myself, paying my rent, and going to work. Going to work made me more financially aware and savvy. Instead of spending superfluously, I stuck to a budget. Instead of going on dinner dates at expensive restaurants, I asked my significant other if we could stay in, cook, and watch a movie. Our hangouts and meals weren't extravagant in any way, but it was the experience and comfort of being with each other that mattered. I have learned that you don't have to shell out a lot of money to have a good time. Fun memories are born out of creativity and an open and positive mind. I think the most fun I've had this year is the many intimate dinner parties and movie dates I have hosted at my apartment.
This year, I've learned to laugh, to love, and to live. And I am extremely grateful for the lessons, memories, and moments of 2018. Thank you for being loyal readers to my blog. I hope your year was as transformative and memorable as mine.
Here's to another year of more laughs and big adventures! Goodbye 2018, hello 2019.
Good Luck,
Em
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